Tactics for Conflict

When the person I’m coaching ...

Tactics:

becomes defensive

• reflect feelings

• use “I” vs. “you” language

• focus on behavior, not the person

gets angry

• keep calm

• don’t argue

• reflect feelings and empathize

• don’t personalize emotions

• move to problem-solving

blames others

• focus on what you observed

• agree on desired outcomes

• move to problem-solving

won’t budge on their position

• find common ground

• focus on interests and desired

  outcome

• move to problem-solving

has a bad idea

• set limits and clarify expectations

• ask for alternatives or variations

• ask for assistance without taking

  responsibility

• offer a carefully controlled pilot

  project

continues at-risk behavior

• follow-up

• discuss consequences

• set limits and clarify expectations

• follow through with consequences